15 weeks... all this craziness!

We are at 15 weeks and I know I haven't updated for a few weeks. Bad me. You know life with four kids is crazy! Sadly I don't have much of an update cause my OB had some emergency that took him out of town. But I have an appointment tomorrow! Right now I'm home bound, not by choice though. My van though that it needed a new radiator. I'm now going a bit stir crazy because of it. On the upside though Baby B (formally Baby R cause mommy and daddy have picked out names!) is in fact growing and starting to let me feel those little movements that assure me s/he is just fine in there. I can't sleep on my belly either. You can't see it but I'm making a sad panda face right now. I love sleeping on my belly, when I'm not nursing a sleepy twin. I still don't think I look pregnant though. Still just looking fat or bloated. I've also not told my family and only a few close friends know about what it going on. Timing hasn't been right and think I'm going to wait till we know the sex, or I'm actually starting to show. We will see what comes first. But none the less I'm sharing this will all of you! Cause well its exciting, I can't just keep it to myself. Why should I? This is exciting stuff. I mean Mama C and her family are getting something they have longed for. They have waited so long for this and to be a part of this truly makes me happy. It warms my heart to know that this child will have two families that love  him/her so much.  I can't think of a more deserving family either. They have so much to give. This is one lucky kid! Yes part of me is a little sad to think I won't be there for the day to day, but this isn't our child, s/he never was. I was just hand picked to get Baby B here safe and sound with ten perfect fingers and toes. All the cute little baby parts. So I'm going to do just that.

I hope you are all safe in the aftermath of Sandy and that this finds you all well!

Eleven Weeks and some change

Well everything is still going well. Baby R is growing and I'm a few days away from my next appointment. And food is staying down better. I can't complain there! Cause I'm like a fat kid in case you didn't know. I LOVES me some food! I don't have a lot To say today.... So I will keep it short!

The results are in!

OK! CALM DOWN! I know I've been slacking at updating you all since I had the ultrasound. But like with four kids and 3 under 3 is crazy at times. And I've been sick. Apparently my body didn't get the "Mommies don't get sick" memo this season. But I'm feeling better! And Holding food down better again. God does it feel good to eat!

Now I know you are all waiting.... so here we go. I started the day with my favorite game of 'How fast can you get a three year old, two nine month olds and a momma ready and out the door' and the answer is 10 you can get it done in 10 minutes. Or well I can. Yeah I'm that good. And make it to the appointment only 5 minutes late. Score 1 for me! Short wait and we get back to the ultrasound room, get up on the table. It was a really short lived appointment honestly. But there was ONE and only one little baby in there.

Baby R looks like a heart... And I think its fitting... cause this little tiny baby is surrounded by so much love already! Baby R is doing well. Had a very healthy heart rate of 171 bpm and should be arriving around April 29, 2013!

Momma C and Daddy C have seen baby R and are all excited about their new bundle! Now we're 9 weeks and 1 day in and I still can't eat red meats but I am holding down lighter meals and chicken stays down pretty well. Still really sleepy, but I know that will pass.

Over all baby R is growing and doing well... this momma is doing well, just have to kick the rest of this sickness. Until next time!

Food... yes I can eat!

I'm hoping this is a staying trend. As with my last two pregnancies I was crazy sick and couldn't eat much till well into my second trimester. But I'm eating and HOLDING DOWN (that is even more important) food. Oh yes! Its on! If you couldn't figure it out, I LOVE FOOD.... well I LOVE GOOD FOOD! And I'm willing to try just about anything. Cause the most surprising things can actually be really good.

Not a lot to really update on just waiting out the 19th so that I get to come home and first send Momma C and Daddy C a picture of Baby R! Then I will of course share with all of you! Hopefully you all understand the need to share with Momma and Daddy first, since they can't actually be here to come and see for them selves. Hopefully Momma C will be able to come up at some point during the pregnancy and just maybe if I'm lucky we can set up an ultrasound for while she's here. I know she's love that!

Ahhh..... still not many answers....

Well my appointment was eventful, sort of. Congrats to the mom that I had to wait 40 minutes on to have a baby! May your days be blessed and your nights restful.... eventually. That is the "down side" to having a private practice OB. Some times you have to wait. Over all though the appointment wasn't as eventful as we would have hoped. I'm about 10ish weeks. Even though my OB gave me a due date of "the week of March 26th" all just to cover ourselves for the truth! HAHA! There was a faint heartbeat for a second on the doppler... and it sounded great. But we are waiting to make any "finals" until I have an ultrasound on the 19th. To get a true EDD and head count (right now that head count it ONE). My OB said that it would be very unlikely to have twins back to back. Not impossible mind you, just very unlikely.

Momma C is so happy right now! Daddy C and her have talked it all over and they are 100% go on this!!! Momma is getting her baby! I'm so thrilled that I can do this. I'm so happy that I can help a this family complete itself. This is a joy that I've NEVER felt before.

Now you all have to wait to see Momma C's sweet little grape till next week!

T minus 18 hours

Could this TAKE any longer?! I've been actually waiting for the 11th! First time in a long time. I know its a tragic day for so many personally and for our country as a whole. But This year there is a bright spot. At 10 am I have an OB appointment. The first OB appointment! Meaning we will all know how far along I am how many babies are to be expected. Apparently Aaron thinks that I'm having triplets. I on the other hand actually knows what it is like to be pregnant with more than one child... and I do not have that feeling this time. Although I know that Momma C would LOVE her some twins!

So there we are..... with a clock ticking down...... tick.. tock... tick.... tock. Oh Hurry up!

From a Birth Mother

First and foremost.... I DID NOT WRITE THIS LETTER! But I had to share it with all of you as I felt like this fits perfectly with how I feel about everything right now. Sure there are tiny what if moments but this isn't about ME. This isn't about AARON. This really isn't about what WE want at all. This is about a baby that needs the best. We know that isn't with us. We are the best for our existing bunch and to be selfish would be wrong. This is about a family that has been waiting a long time to expand their family. This is about us helping them see a dream come true. This baby chose them. This baby also chose us, but only because baby saw that there was more than enough love and strength to make sure he or she gets to their family.

That being said I hope you enjoy!

My Dearest Matthew,

I have a strong belief that we get to choose our family before we are born. That we live with God before we become a flesh and blood person and He offers us a number of people to be our families on earth. As a result of this belief, I wrote you a short story.

Once a small angel waited by the pool of life. Eager to jump in, he started to put his big toe into the warm comforting water. 

"Matthew," God called, "Before you can be born, you must choose the family with which you will reside. Come......choose your new home from the Great Tree."

The Great Tree loomed above Matthew. Its beautiful golden branches made his step falter with awe. Angels flittered everywhere, hovering like hummingbirds under the wide canopy; they gently plucked the brown leaves.

Kneeling so that he could speak into Matthew's ear, God whispered, "one of those branches holds your family. All you need to do is choose the family you want. Touch a branch and it will show you all the joys and trials that you will have in that life." With that, God lifted the boy up the the tree and asked, "which leaves would you like to look at first?"

Many hours later and after looking at many, many families, Matthew did not see any that he liked and so he asked God, "May we look at the very tippy top?"

Heavenly Father smiled a warm and comforting smile. "Those are the adopting families" He thought. He did not say a word but simply moved to the highest and most center part of the tree.

Matthew looked and looked, but he still didn't find any families that he was happy with. He was just about to give up when he saw one ot the leaves sparkle. He reached out and touched the branch, and he knew that was his home. Excited, he turned his little head to God and exclaimed, "This is it! This is my family! They are the ones I want to be with! They are waiting for ME!:

The Lord looked at the branch and smiled. It had two large leaves and one small one. "That is a very special family my son. You will not be able to go to them the traditional way." Upon seeing the crushed look on Matthews face, God continued, "You get to choose another mother, she will be your birth mother and she will be guided ot your parents and you will end up in their arms as you have chosen to be."

After another long while, Matthew found someone, he believed, would be a great birthmother. Beaming he touched another branch and said, "This one! She will love me and she will want me to be happy with my family, I choose her!" Again God smiled.

Thank you for choosing me. Much love always and forever~

Your Birthmother, Cristal

Some Answers.... You know you want them.

Well I know people will have plenty of questions. So I am going to try my best to answer some of them. Ready? Okay.

This is something that I felt laid on my heart for a long time. The longer it lay there the more heavy the weight of it got. Then I "meet" Momma C. She was so excited about her upcoming adoption and oh my how it showed! This was one lucky kid. So much love already. I would imagine how much more love there would be once baby was actually in her arms! This got me thinking about that heavy feeling my heart held. Then Momma C had to tell us all the unthinkable happen. The adoption failed. I could only imagine that heartbreak. But it planted that seed in my head again. And there it sat... and it grew. In time I had The Things and they grew. God did they grow! Thing 1 and Thing 2 are pretty much crawling now. And there are days that I think... oh boy... I'm in trouble.  Then as the Things hit about 8 months I had a serious talk with Momma C and I told her all about this tree (yes its a tree now) in my head and heart. It was telling me that I was to give Momma C Daddy C and their daughter the missing piece of that family puzzle they were missing. Then I talked it over with Aaron... who was reluctant at first then saw the meaning behind it. He saw what it ment to me. He was now on board. It helps that right now we know we can't afford another baby. Or even handle one right now!

We thought and started talking about next spring/early summer. And then God laughed... as often as he does when one makes plans for their life. And BAM.... here I am pregnant. We both knew from the start that THIS WAS NOT our baby. This was Momma C's baby. Much sooner than we expected but here baby is!

Spirtually I am not attached to this baby as I was my own. I have this peace about me that while I am the one physically pregnant this really isn't our baby. It just isn't I am just the vessel that brings new life to the light. Its hard to explain to those that either haven't been there or haven't ever explored this option. But even just so far its been a great joy and honor to step out on this path. 

In The Beginning

What better place to start then the beginning? Well just a few days ago I thought to myself... Hey my cycle has been all wonky, lets POAS. If you don't know... that is woman for Pee On A Stick. A Pregnancy test. So there I sat just 8 months after having twins. Nervous like a little 16 year old that KNEW better than to have been "so stupid" and frankly I left the bathroom. I went to the bed room and I told Aaron he had three minutes and then HE was going to look. I wasn't going to do it.

Ok.... Well that isn't the REAL start. That was a few weeks before all this when I was talking to another mom from my Dec 2011 group. Momma C. That is what I will call her. Well long story short. Momma C can't have children. Her and her husband have adopted in the past and then lost three babies after that. I can imagine how heart breaking that is. The last loss was when the birth mom changed her mind last minute after months of going on and on about how there was NO WAY she could afford the baby. That baby was born Dec 2011. Momma C and I were talking about me having a baby for her. Yes I brought this up, yes Aaron is on board. It was something laid on my heart and I couldn't shake it... I tried. It is my calling.  Well we were making plans to do this after my twins had turned one. Things were looking really good for this to fall into place. Then HE found out that we were making plans.... so HE threw the curve ball. 

They were positive. I'm pregnant, no clue how far along I am cause I've been breastfeeding and not had a regular period. I'm guessing i'm 4-8 weeks. I'd not be too surprised to learn I was a little further along. Now we are playing the waiting game. Waiting till my OB can get me in and answer all the impending questions... How far along? How many babies? Is it/ Are they healthy?

I've told Momma C after a LOOOOONG day at Disney... what a way to end that day huh? Momma is very excited and I know she's just as antsy, maybe even more so, than I am about my up coming Dr appointment. September 11.